“Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on a wound, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.”

Our Deacon Team is currently reading together the book who’s title comes from this verse in Proverbs, “Don’t Sing Songs to a Heavy Heart”.  It is a book about caring for the grieving, a task our Deacon Team knows all too well and an important one to train people to perform.

Grief comes to us all, and it comes in differing stages.  It can come when a team loses a game we were desperately hoping to win, when a loved one is sick with the flu, when we lose a job unexpectedly, or at the death of someone close to us.  Though the degrees differ, all of these are causes of grief and need careful attention.  Ranking the degree of someone’s grief is never helpful – their grief is theirs to feel and not ours to judge.

When someone is grieving, it usually makes us uncomfortable.  And uncomfortable people tend to do and say pretty dumb things.  I’ve been told, “It’s fine.  You’ll get over it,” and “they were 86; it was probably time for them to die anyway” and neither brought me hope, comfort, or peace.  In fact, both simply mingled my grief with anger at the insensitivity of it.  On the other hand, I’ve also been told, “I’m so sorry; is there anything I can do?” and “…”; nothing at all but a gentle presence, both of which helped the healing process of my grief.

We don’t like it when other people grieve.  It scares us, it makes us uncomfortable, and we too often avoid it.  But avoidance may be better than the usual alternative which is to try to stop them from grieving.  “Cheer up” and it’s insensitive siblings have no place when someone is grieving.  We must be sure that we do not sing songs to a heavy heart, but instead be a calming presence, ready to listen, to sit in silence, and to incarnate Christ for those in need of His healing and comforting presence.

Today’s thoughts come from Sarah Larson, my sophomore daughter:

When we read texts like these, we tend to hear these words as a guideline for our lives as if we have fallen short of them all and are in need of the schooling of the Bible. Proverbs addresses these guidelines in a familiar way, using phrases that indicate wrongdoings or dangers we may face. In light of these, I think it is safe to say that the writings of proverbs are not meant to condemn believers and set us on the right path we have strayed so far from, but they are instead warnings of the struggles we face in the world around us.

You may notice that very rarely does the word “You” show up in the Proverbs. I think this is intentional as the main “You” passages are advice on how to listen and serve well. Outside of these passages, the rest use general terms like “a person” or “him who” or the like. I think Paul places this type of connotation in his second letter to the Corinthians. He reminds them that he meant no distress and is quite pleased with them. He details how their reputation has grown and how his words may have hurt and may have caused doubt, but were neither regretted nor taken back. I think in this we see the way the Bible seems to be written. I, personally, often find myself reading the Proverbs like a Corinthian and worrying over every line that it may be meant for me. The Bible is not a personal letter, nor is it a rule book. It is the story of Christianity and the good news for us to share with those around us from God Himself. Sometimes, that requires us to do some self-reflection, but the Bible never uses accusatory language towards the reader with the intent to cause distress or worry.

With that being said, the message I find in the Proverbs is one of phrases and reminders to us that help us to be better disciples. Sometimes, that means we find ourselves guilty of wrongdoings or misconceptions, but the word “guilty” has an almost solely worldy meaning because guilt in front of God is always reconcilable. Remember as you read to not read like a Corinthian, searching for personal shortcomings, but to read like a disciple, striving to learn better how to live like God in every aspect.